I have three kids ages 7, 4, and 2. I cook most evenings, but sometimes we want to be able to go out for dinner. When we do my kids are completely unruly, loud, disrespectful, and out of their seats most of the meal. How can we go out to a restaurant as a family and still enjoy it?
Sincerely,
Tired of cooking mom
Dear Tired of Cooking,
Just the other day I was sitting in a local sandwich shop with my mouth agape as a mother tried to get her 2-year-old son to sit in the booth. After a few feeble attempts, she gave in and let him stand on the table for most of the meal. While on one hand I was in total shock that a mother would allow her child to stand on a table off of which people will eat, I also felt her pain. She was overpowered by her 2-year-old. Ouch.
Enforcing good behavior in a restaurant can be a challenge for even the most seasoned parent. However, with a little careful planning, rules and expectations–as well as some discipline techniques–you greatly improve your chances of having a delightful meal out. Here are some tips:
- Set expectations for behavior ahead of time. Children are not mind readers. They have to be told what behavior is acceptable and when it needs to occur. Talk to your children about your desire to take them out to restaurants. Let your children know that you expect them listen, sit in their seats, talk in an inside voice, and get along. Having just a few rules in place will set the stage for their behavior when you go out.
- Keep it quick and child friendly. Sometimes parents have unreasonable expectations for children. For example, it is simply unreasonable to ask a child to sit quietly at a two-hour, six course dinner at the Four Seasons. The best places to go are those where you can get seated and served and leave in less than an hour. If that even seems too long, try 30 minutes at a pizza place. When picking a restaurant go for one that is informal, has lots of kids and highchairs, and is fast.
- Bring distractions. Toys and coloring supplies go a long way in filling the time before the meal comes. Buy a few small toys, books, and games that are only to be used in restaurants. This keeps them fresh for the kids and makes going out even more of a treat. One rule to keep in mind with toys at the table is that it is unacceptable to use anything that requires a battery. This includes the kids’ portable PlayStation … and even your palm pilot.
- Take control. Don’t be afraid to discipline in public. Children are keen observers who know that you will try to avoid their melt-downs in public at all costs. They use this knowledge to manipulate you into agreeing to their whims. Stop the struggle by using “time out”. One rule in my house is there is no whining at the table. When my daughter whines she gets a warming. By the third warning she knows she will have to get up from the table. Make sure when you are first trying to implement this technique that you have another adult who can stay at the table with the other children. When the child is calm and not whining he/she may return to the table.
- As a last resort, pack up. When you have tried all of your tricks and the kids are still not following the rules, get the food to go and head home. Children never think you will actually leave the restaurant before the food comes. It will unnerve them and help keep the peace during the next meal. Ultimately you send your kids the message that you will not tolerate inappropriate behavior.
Eating out can be a fun and necessary break from the daily grind at home. Implement these tips and you will be relaxing at a restaurant in no time.