“Peer pressure, in its negative incarnation, is the ultimate fear. Fear of not fitting in. Fear of rejection. Fear of failure. Fear leads people to act irrationally, to do things they wouldn’t usually do, to adapt their nature to shield themselves from the pain of not belonging.” — Doug Hall and Russ Ouaglia
Here are some tips to help combat peer pressure in your young children:
Discuss age appropriate topics about peer pressure before a specific need arises. When your children first go off to school, discuss general concepts about differences and marching to the beat of your own drum. Ask your child questions along the lines of “Does everyone have to look the same to be a friend or play in the group?” “What if everyone was teasing someone, what would you do?” Keep it simple and age appropriate. As your child grows older, you can role play about different issues that might arise to help guide him/her to make the best choice.
Ask your child more specific questions about school. Instead of the mundane and listlessly answered “How was your day?” use more open-ended questions. Some good openers are: Which kids are you having lunch with? What are they like? When do you feel the most pressure from your peers? If you ask the right question in the right way, you will learn more about your child’s influences and help them work through social pressure.
Consciously develop empathy in your children. Discuss your family values in regards to being nice and caring for others. Help your child learn empathy by reminding them about a time when they were left out or picked on. Reinforce kindness in many different avenues to help children internalize the value. Even though they are young, children can feel pain/discomfort/sadness in others. This coaching is invaluable.
Encourage individuality in thinking, dressing, and acting. While you may cringe when your daughter comes down for breakfast wearing plaid pants with a floral shirt, resist the urge to make her change. Expressing her own style and learning to deal with the potential fall-out at school are great lessons that will prevent her from being pressured in the future.
For the follower: If you child tends to be more of follower, discuss how it is important to think for oneself. Let your child know that it may be tempting to follow the cool or funny classmate, but that they should think about what they do beforehand and how it might make someone feel. Also, try to build your child’s self-esteem. Studies have shown that children with high self-esteems are less likely to follow others.
For the leader: If you child is the leader of the pack, discuss the personal responsibility that goes along with that. It is a strength to be a leader and should be praised, but make sure to explain the power too. Teach your child that it is great to lead the other kids in a game of tag or encourage the class to do something nice for the teacher, but it is not okay to bully, tease, or hurt another child.