Whenever I am with a bunch of mothers and the subject of The Family Coach arises, there is one gripe I routinely hear: “My child NEVER sleeps.” As both a parenting coach and a mother of two, I’ve seen it all: Babies who scream the second you try to put them down. Parents who are in and out of their children’s rooms so often they need a revolving door. Clever children who successfully avoid sleep by claiming “I have to poop!” five times a night. To be blunt, there is no single issue more daunting to more parents than what I call “sleep crisis.” In other words, your baby won’t sleep. And, because of that, neither will you.
Without a proper night’s sleep we all turn grouchy, irritable, impatient and exhausted. No home can or should just settle for sleep deprivation. You don’t have too. When dealt with properly, sleeping habits can be effectively established and implemented.
In the future I use this column to answer your specific parenting questions about discipline, meal times, emotional issues, sibling rivalry and any other inquiries you might have. In that spirit, here I will answer some of the most common sleep-related questions.
How much sleep does my child need?
The total amount of sleep required by a child gradually decreases from about 11-to-18 hours in infancy to 10-to-13 hours for most school-aged children. This includes naps throughout the day.
If we have already reinforced a poor sleep habit for more than a year, can we really change it now?
It is never, ever, ever too late to make a change. With 1-to-2 weeks of dedicated, consistent parenting, most habits can be altered.
What is the best method for encouraging positive sleep habits right from the start?
My No. 1 recommendation is to put your child down when he/she is sleepy, not sleeping. Recognize the universal sleep indicators (yawning, fussy, rubbing eyes, crying) and take them as your cues.
Furthermore, love, rock, and snuggle your baby during the day, but at night be all business. Change diapers and supply feedings in as dim a light as possible. Don’t chat or move around a lot, either. The sooner your tyke realizes that night is only for sleeping, the sooner he/she will, well, sleep.
My son gave up his nap at 20 months. Does he need it?
Absolutely. Toddlers often protest (sometimes quiet vehemently) when they don’t want to do something. Many parents mistake these tantrums for their children rightfully “giving up” a nap. Truthfully, those children who know naptime is nonnegotiable don’t surrender it until their parents decide the time has arrived. Most children should continue to nap until around 3 or 4 years old.
What do you recommend for a bedtime routine?
Bedtime routines are important for two reasons:
- They remind children that it is time to wind down.
- They actually help children with the winding down process.
About 15-to-60 minutes before bedtime (depending on your child’s age) turn off all computers, televisions, and loud music. A bath, songs, stories, quiet games and discussions about the day are all perfect elements for a good wind-down routine. Make sure to give a cup of water, a goodnight kiss and turn the nightlight on. Routines should remain consistent from night to night. When parents deviate they leave an opening for children to manipulate bedtime to their advantage.
Remember, no sleep problem is irresolvable. It just takes a little coaching …