Dear Family Coach,
I have 8- and 10-year-old boys. Some of their friends have begun receiving allowances, and my husband and I feel very conflicted. What is the reason for allowance if we provide for all of our sons’ needs? How much should they get? Should they have to do chores to receive their allowances? Please give some guidance.
— Confused Parent
Dear Confused,
Have you ever dashed into a toy store in the moments before another child’s birthday party, determined to be done in five minutes but sidetracked by your own whining child? “Mom,” he asks sweetly, “can I have these Pokemon cards?”
“Not today, Jimmy,” you reply. “We’re running late.”
“Pleeeease,” he counters, “I’ll share ’em with my brother.”
“Jimmy,” you say again, “not today.”
“But Mom, I’ll do my homework. I promise. You’ll never have to tell me to put them away …”
“No …”
“Please …”
“No …”
“But Mom …”
Finally, you’re beaten down. “Ugh, all right,” you moan. “But quickly–we have to go …”
Now imagine an alternate universe. Here, Jimmy is in the toy store thinking to himself while you pay for the gift. In his mind he is saying I want these Pokemon cards. I know my mom won’t buy these for me.
Do I really want them? They cost $3. If I buy these I won’t be able to get the soccer ball I’ve been saving my allowance for. I am not going to get them.
This alternate universe is possible due to the benefits of an allowance. Children learn most through trial and error in a safe and nurturing environment. When we provide for all of our children’s needs they not only fail to learn how to manage their own money (an important life skill) but they take for granted material possessions. Children who receive an allowance begin to realize how much items cost, how to budget and save, and how to appreciate what they are given by their parents.
While most people can see the benefits of allowances, there are differing philosophies on implementation. Some feel it should be earned, others believe it can be given sans stipulations, some think it should be taken away with bad grades. Before making a decision on your philosophy, it is important to focus on why the allowance is being offered.
I am of the opinion that chores are expected to be done because they are given responsibilities, not because of financial reward. A child may decide that the money isn’t as important to him as his free time and say, “To heck with chores!” Furthermore, you don’t get paid for everything in life. Sometimes you just have to do it.
I also believe an allowance should not be taken away for any reason. There are important lessons to be learned here. The more restrictions and stipulations, the more you reduce the potential lessons. In the interest of clarity and maximum education, I recommend giving the allowance for being part of the family and nothing else.
How much do you give? If children are handed too much, they don’t have to save to buy what the want. If they are given too little, they spend it all in one shot. A rule of thumb is $1 per year of age (However, it can be much less than that. Start with half of their age in dollars and then you can always give a raise as needed.)
Remember, an allowance isn’t about buying your children.
It’s about buying responsibility.