by admin | May 19, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My 18-year-old son was in a terrible car accident a few years ago, and he received a large cash settlement. Since I am listed on his bank account, I can see how he is spending his money. I’m sick to learn that he is blowing it away on parties, pizza and T-shirts. I know it’s his money, but is there anything I can do to preserve it for him until he can be more responsible with it? — Budget Mom
Dear Mom: There are two possible ways you can handle this situation. Both have merits and drawbacks. Weigh the options, and decide what is best for your son.
Updated: Fri May 19, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | May 14, 2017 | Blog
The ballroom was packed. Extra chairs were nudged in at each table. I sat in the way back of the room listening to Juliana Margulies talk about motherhood and acting. Scanning the crowd I saw hundreds of women who, more or less, do a similar version of what I do. Except many of them do it much better with exponentially larger followings. It’s an intimidating scene.
Sitting in that crowded room felt symbolic of what often feels like a crowded space for parenting blogger, writers and podcasters. That crowded space usually stresses me out. With so many of us vying for the same audience, I wonder if I’ll ever accomplish my dreams and goals. Really, how many successful parenting blogs can there be? How many authors can write for the most-read sites or publish in the major newspaper parenting blogs? Before Mom 2.017 I would have thought only a lucky few.
Last year when I attended my first Mom 2.0 I had no idea what to expect. As I walked into the ballroom I was filled with anxiety. But I powered through nerves and self-doubt and was rewarded with an incredible experience. I wondered if returning for my second Mom 2.0 would feel different.
Well, it did and it didn’t.
Just like last year, I met warm, lovely, inspiring women who were nothing but supportive. Just like last year, I swallowed my nerves and pushed myself out of my comfort zone. And just like last year, I fought off social exhaustion to make the most out of the 2 ½ days. I walked away with a lots of new friends and ideas.
But leaving the conference this time I had two very different takeaways.
During one session I listened to moguls Cindy Whitehead, Jill Smokler and Julie Clark discuss their experiences starting mega businesses. I have no illusion of starting such a business but these women were fascinating, and I loved hearing their stories. Toward the end of the session a woman in the audience questioned her ability to bring an item to market. Cindy said (I’m paraphrasing), “Stop saying ‘Why Me?’ Why not you?” In that moment my heart swelled. Yes! Why not me? It doesn’t matter if someone has a bigger following or is more successful (whatever that might mean). So what if it’s crowded? It doesn’t mean that I can’t also be successful.
Takeaway one: Our successes are not mutually exclusive. One person’s success doesn’t negate the possibility of another.
This leads me to takeaway two: Helping someone else succeed doesn’t lower the possibility of our own success. Mom 2.0 is filled with peoplewho only want to be helpful. I’d like to keep that helpful spirit going all year. So in the aftermath of Mom 2.0, I feel committed to these two ideals:
- If I have knowledge that can shorten your learning curve I’m happy to share what I know. Just ask.
- If you have a post that is special to you and want some help getting it out there, let me know. I’ll be happy to share it and spread the word. Again, just ask.
The theme of Mom 2.017 was RISE. I believe we can all rise together, like a family. This is a crowded space but still, there’s plenty of room for all of us.
See you next year!
by admin | May 13, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: The time has come for my son to choose a college. He has it in his head that he wants to attend a small rural liberal arts college with limited offerings. My husband and I think this school would be a terrible fit for him. Should we allow him to make his own decision even if we think it’s a bad one? — Grad’s Mom and Dad
Dear Mom and Dad: While it may not seem like it, choosing a college isn’t as important as, say, solving global warming or world hunger. Somehow, American society has evolved to where the most important goal of a child’s first 18 years is to get into the very best college. And the concept of the very best college implies that there is one particular school that will guarantee your child happiness, prosperity and success. I don’t believe that fallacy.
There is no one college for your son. I guarantee there are a variety of good programs for him and that he can thrive regardless of his eventual decision. Maybe this rural college has few options in terms of majors. But maybe that same college has an amazing set of alumni who mentor future graduates in a wide variety of fields. Maybe that small college in the middle of nowhere fosters self-reliance and self-development more than some big city school. And maybe he will have more opportunity to shine at that school (the whole big fish in a small pond thing) than at a big school, where he might get lost in the abyss of talented young people.
Updated: Sat May 13, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | May 12, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My 13-year-old son has a mustache, and I cannot stand it. It’s more fuzzy than bushy, and it makes him look much older than he is. I’ve been begging him to shave it, but he refuses. Even some kids at school are harassing him and calling him Mustachio. How can I get him to shave it for his own good? — Mustachio’s Mom
Dear Mom: I think you are asking the wrong question. Don’t ask how you could make your son see the err in his facial hair ways. Instead, ask him what that mustache means to him. Here are the possible answers I predict.
The first answer is your son sees the hair, has no opinion about it and thus has no motivation to shave. If this is the case, you will only gnaw away at his self-esteem if you continue to push him to shave. Leave it alone.
Updated: Fri May 12, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | Apr 25, 2017 | Blog
Yup, that’s me in my pajamas out in daylight.*
In the days after giving birth to my first child I cried. Oh, yes, there were tons of tears. I cried because the pain of the episiotomy was unbearable. I cried because I couldn’t poop. And I cried because my life seemed foreign and totally out of my control. Then I cried because I didn’t fall in love with my baby instantly like it seemed everyone else did. I felt ashamed, not good enough and alone.
In the 13 years since I first became a parent I have realized that there are so many parenting realities that go unsaid. We don’t share what’s not pretty or unflattering. We often leave out the potentially embarrassing tidbits as well. Parents have to be perfect all the time, and it’s exhausting. Instead of hiding the not-so-awesome parts of parenting I’m challenging every parent to put their truth out there. And I’m going to get the ball rolling.
So, for my sake and for those who are suffering in silence I’m going to list my confessions. I’m sure a few parents will feel the need to tell me why I shouldn’t do this one or that one. Some parent will make me feel badly, too, for my choices. I’m asking us all to resist that urge. Instead send your confessions or share them with some of your friends. Consider it a public service.
Here are my Top 10 Mom Confessions:
1. I breastfed my two kids for 6 weeks and 4 months, respectively. I could post the reasons why I stopped breastfeeding but that would take away from my confession. I’m not apologizing for it.
2. About once per week when my daughter plays water polo at night my kids have Dairy Queen for dinner in the car.
3. I shave 1-2 times per week.
4. On average, I exercise once per week (if I’m lucky). Oh, and I use the term exercise loosely.
5. I wear my pajamas more than I wear real clothes. I change into them when get home even if it’s 4 o’clock in the afternoon.
6. I love Lean Cuisine. When I’m in no mood to cook, my kids eat it too.
7. My kids don’t bathe every day. And they never have.
8. I go upstairs to fold laundry as a good excuse to watch reality television away from my family.
9. I pay two lovely ladies to clean my house once every other week. Those women are like lifelines to my sanity.
10. I don’t want any more children. And I don’t feel sad about that anymore.
What’s your confession?
#Parenthoodconfession
* Ithought those pajamas were pants. I wrote about the mistake here.
