by admin | Jun 2, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My 16-year-old daughter has a serious boyfriend. I hope she chooses not to have sex, but if she does, I’d like to ensure I don’t become a grandma just yet. I want to put her on birth control, but I also don’t want her to think I’m in full support of teenage sex. How can I handle this situation? — Better Safe Than Sorry Mom
Dear Mom: I’m in favor of being real over being in denial. Since you aren’t ready to be Grandma and your daughter isn’t ready to be Mommy, go ahead and offer birth control options. Making birth control available doesn’t force kids to have sex. Touting abstinence doesn’t prevent kids from having it either. Many parents make the mistake of pretending sex isn’t a possibility. Unfortunately, the price of that fantasy is extraordinarily high. Kids who want to have sex will, regardless of the restrictions or complications.
Updated: Fri Jun 02, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | May 31, 2017 | Uncategorized
Almost three years ago I had an idea for a book. I’d been thinking about writing a book for many years but no idea seemed like the right one. Then I realized there were two words I said over and over again when working with families.
Parents would ask:
What should I do when my kid gets up out of time out?Ignore it!
What should I do when my teen curses at me?Ignore it!
How can I get my toddler to stop throwing food?Ignore it!
What can I do get my son to stop making annoying noises?
Tapping his pencil?
Fidgeting in his seat?
Whining?
Complaining?
Tantrumming?
Negotiating?
Ignore it all.
The advice I was repeatedly giving was to ignore all of the annoying and undesirable behaviors children present on a regular basis. I know about a concept in psychology called extinction which states that behavior that isn’t reinforced disappears. So when parents stop providing attention or benefits for a particular behavior is just goes away. It’s a really simple but powerful parenting tool.
But as simple as it seems I knew from experience that many parents struggled with implementation. So that’s where Ignore It! comes in. The book helps parents know what to ignore, how to ignore and when never to ignore behavior. It also provides general parenting tips about dealing with time outs, parenting in public, and how to enforce logical practical consequences when ignoring isn’t appropriate. I also included loads of scenarios from my practice to show how Ignore It! changes behavior and helps parents enjoy their kids more.
In just 70 days the book will be available for sale in bookstores and online. I’m so excited I can hardly sleep. In order to get the word out about the book I’m offering a great pre-order incentive. Order before 8/8/17, send me proof or post to Twitter or Facebook, and I’ll send you a bonus chapter I wrote but decided not to include in the book. The bonus chapter is all about how to resolve sleep issues. I’ll also include my Sleep Cheat Sheet that details sleep needs for newborns to teenagers.
Thanks in advance for the support and I can’t wait to hear how the book is helping your family.
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by admin | May 27, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My son is 12, and he clearly has a crush on his math teacher. I’ve noticed little notes he’s written about her. I’m worried he will say something embarrassing or cross the line in some way. How should I approach this situation? — Mom o’ Loverboy
Dear Mom: I’m pretty sure this was a plotline for an episode of “The Brady Bunch” and Carol solved the problem with some fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies and a backyard potato sack race. While real life isn’t quite as simple, this isn’t a problem to lose sleep over.
Updated: Sat May 27, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | May 26, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: I’ve been coaching my 10-year-old son’s baseball team for a few years. I enjoy spending the time together, but it seems like I have a more difficult time coaching my own son. Do you have any tips for how I can be more effective with my own kid? — Coach
Dear Coach: There is something heartwarming and nostalgic about a father and son heading off to practice together with bats and gloves in hand. But the reality is that coaching one’s child is, as you mentioned, difficult. Being a coach is very different than being a parent, and sometimes what’s needed for one role contradicts what’s needed for the other. When you are both, it’s confusing to know when to push hard and when to simply be supportive.
Updated: Fri May 26, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | May 20, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My daughter is turning 13 in a few weeks. Instead of a party, she wants to attend a Green Day concert without me. She’d like to invite two other girls to join her. I don’t feel she is old enough to go on her own with friends. What do you think? — Worrier
Dear Worrier: There are so many factors to consider when making this decision. Her age is just a number. Some 13-year-olds can’t do much of anything independently. Others can cook, do laundry, care for elderly relatives and manage farm animals on their own. Her maturity level and abilities are much more important measures of whether or not she is ready. The venue is also a factor. Is this concert in a large hall in an unfamiliar big city, or it is closer to home at a smaller site that is easier to navigate?
Updated: Sat May 20, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
