Visible Tattoos and a Sugary Breakfast Habit
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My son will be 18 in a few months. He has been accepted into college and will be moving to a big city in the fall. He says that once at college, he’s going to get a tattoo on his hand or wrist. I don’t mind a tattoo, but I’m concerned about him losing job possibilities because of his tattoo being too visible. But he will be 18, and the only thing I could do is threaten to take away his college money. Would that be a mistake, or is this decision too big to allow a young man to make? — Purse Strings
Dear Strings: I am never a fan of using the purse strings to keep young adults in line. If your son is wasting your money, blowing off classes and failing semester after semester, then it’s time to pull the plug, or at least change the deal. Otherwise it’s time to let your son grow up and make his own decisions.
You may think that a wrist tattoo will limit his job options, and maybe it will. But maybe your son has no interest working in a career that would require him to have pristine-looking hands and wrists. Once you begin holding money over your son’s head, you will muddy your relationship. He may choose to do what he wants and find another way to pay for his college. And when he does, you can kiss your relationship goodbye. It’s not worth the risk.
He’s an adult. Start treating him like one. By all means, offer your opinion. Let him know that from your experience, some employers are turned off by visible tattoos. Then keep your thoughts to yourself.
Dear Family Coach: My 11-year-old daughter is addicted to cereal. I try and give her healthy breakfasts — eggs, toast, fruit. But all she wants is her cereal, all of which are filled with sugar. I can’t get her to eat anything else, so I give in. What more can I do? — Cereal Mom
Dear Mom: This is a complex problem. However, let’s make one thing clear: Your daughter is not addicted to cereal. She has convinced her parents to buy sugary breakfast cereal because she conveniently refuses to eat anything else. That’s not addiction. That’s manipulation. But who could blame her? Those cereals are purposely created to be attractive to children with the sweet taste, colorful boxes and toys submerged within.
Changing eating habits takes time and commitment. The trick is to provide a little of what your daughter likes with a healthy alternative at the same time. Support her trying new foods by using a reward system. Even if she only licks a new food at first, give the reward. And don’t push. The more you push, the more she will avoid food just because she can.
However, nothing will change if you continue to shoot yourself in the foot at mealtimes. If you put healthy food options in front of your daughter but take them away as soon as she puts up a fuss, she will continue to demand sugary cereal. Don’t expect her to give up her cereal for eggs or yogurt at first. Instead, buy the cereal she likes, but try to find less sugary options that are very similar. Continue to make minor, almost imperceptible changes over time so that her breakfast habit is replaced with a healthier alternative.
Dr. Catherine Pearlman is the author of “Ignore It! How Selectively Looking the Other Way Can Decrease Behavioral Problems and Increase Parenting Satisfaction.” To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.