by admin | Jun 17, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My daughter is almost 11, and she’s a good kid. She’s polite, responsible and generally good-natured. But I can see her becoming more moody, and sometimes she can become a bit disrespectful when she’s grumpy. I’m trying to figure out what to let pass and what to address. I find it especially hard to ignore when we’re in public because it’s embarrassing. So far, I’ve kept my comments brief, saying “I don’t like that tone of voice,” and then speaking to her a bit when we’re not in the moment. Is that enough? — New to Being Teen Mom
Dear Teen Mom: I think you answered your own question. You mentioned that you already have a polite and responsible child. Being a bit moody doesn’t negate that. But her mood swings do indicate that she is developing and changing, and your parenting approach must change accordingly.
Updated: Sat Jun 17, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | Jun 16, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My son is in sixth grade, and has a girlfriend. Their relationship mostly consists of texts and an occasional movie date. He likes the girl, but he doesn’t communicate very well over text. Recently, the girl’s mother approached me asking whether I could tell her daughter that I took my son’s phone away so she wouldn’t be upset that he didn’t text her back for a few days. She also asked me to talk to my son to encourage him to text more often. I’m at a loss. What should I do? — Stuck
Dear Stuck: I guess I shouldn’t be shocked about the degree to which some parents will go to protect their children from even the slightest discomfort. Yet I am. A good barometer of a child being ready to date is whether he or she is able to handle the ups and downs of a relationship. This girl, or at least her mother, isn’t ready.
Parents should not be intervening in their children’s dating relationships. The most important issue isn’t shielding this young girl because her boyfriend (if you can even call it that) isn’t communicating enough. What’s more relevant is teaching both of them what responsible and thoughtful dating looks like. Now seems like a good time to teach this girl that if a boy isn’t texting you back, he probably isn’t that interested in you. Tell her mother that you won’t interfere. Request that she allow her daughter to speak with your son to assess whether he is still interested in dating. If she isn’t receptive to helping her daughter understand dating, don’t enable her inappropriate interventions.
Updated: Fri Jun 16, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | Jun 10, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: I have a 12-year-old daughter who is rapidly developing into a woman. She is uncomfortable with the attention she is getting due to her new womanly proportions. I see her covering up and wearing excessively baggy clothing. Her confidence is plummeting. How can I empower her to feel comfortable and confident in her new skin? — Puberty’s Mom
Dear Mom: Puberty is a process, not an event. Her body may have developed quickly. That doesn’t mean her brain, emotions and psyche have caught up. She may come to see her body differently with time, and even embrace it. It’s also very possible that as other kids develop, she may become more comfortable seeing her body as the norm, not the exception.
There is nothing wrong with your daughter covering up. Her body isn’t shameful. She might just find that it brings less attention when she wears certain items. Let her wear what she feels comfortable wearing without drawing attention to it. The more you push her to feel comfortable in her skin, the less likely she will. Try not to discuss her body at all. Focus instead on her abilities and strengths.
Updated: Sat Jun 10, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | Jun 9, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My friend’s daughter (who is good friends with my daughter) is partying and drinking almost every night. It’s the end of the year, and she should be studying. Instead she is posting pictures of herself pounding beers on social media. I’d like to tell my friend because if I were her parent, I would want to know. But my daughter is adamant that it will ruin her friendship. What should I do? — In the Middle
Dear Middle: This situation is complicated because you have competing interests. Your daughter wants to keep her friendship intact, as do you. But the best interest of the child and family is also at stake.
Updated: Fri Jun 09, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | Jun 3, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: Our daughter is a very gifted volleyball player. Her coaches say she has great potential for a scholarship to a top college. Instead of that information motivating her, it seems to feed her ego. She isn’t following through with her coaches’ recommendations for training. I’m nagging her constantly because I’m afraid that if I don’t, she will blow this opportunity. We are fighting, and it isn’t working. Do I have to let this slip through her fingers, or is there something else I can do to push her? — Running out of Time
Dear Running: It never seems like a good time to let our kids fail, does it? All through their childhood, we protect our kids from the pain of their own actions (also known as consequences) because, frankly, we can. It’s easy enough to run that homework to school when it’s left behind. It doesn’t seem like such a big deal to allow a teen to miss school because he wasn’t ready for a midterm. And maybe it wasn’t so wrong to work through the night completing that diorama because your kid lost interest and didn’t budget enough time. Each instance of helpful intervention on its own isn’t harmful. But when we cease to let our children experience consequences, we fail to prepare them for the world.
Updated: Sat Jun 03, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
by admin | Jun 2, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My 16-year-old daughter has a serious boyfriend. I hope she chooses not to have sex, but if she does, I’d like to ensure I don’t become a grandma just yet. I want to put her on birth control, but I also don’t want her to think I’m in full support of teenage sex. How can I handle this situation? — Better Safe Than Sorry Mom
Dear Mom: I’m in favor of being real over being in denial. Since you aren’t ready to be Grandma and your daughter isn’t ready to be Mommy, go ahead and offer birth control options. Making birth control available doesn’t force kids to have sex. Touting abstinence doesn’t prevent kids from having it either. Many parents make the mistake of pretending sex isn’t a possibility. Unfortunately, the price of that fantasy is extraordinarily high. Kids who want to have sex will, regardless of the restrictions or complications.
Updated: Fri Jun 02, 2017
Source: Dear Family Coach
