by admin | Nov 25, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
A Homebody and a Christmas Tree for 11/25/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My son is strongly considering a college close to us so he can live at home. It’s not a financial decision, as we have set aside enough money for dorms. My wife and I love our son, but we feel it would be best for him to experience college away from us. We are his crutch. How wrong or hurtful would it be to forbid him from living at home? – Nearly Empty Nesters
Dear Nesters: You are your son’s crutch for a reason. For 18 years, you probably allowed him to settle in comfortably in your home without pushing him to his limits. When he balked about attending a birthday party, you probably let him to skip it. When he didn’t want to attend sleep-away camp, you probably happily kept him at home. That’s fine. But now, you can’t expect him to be ready and prepared to fly the coop. You want to pull the crutch away from him without building up a safety net. That’s not fair.
Updated: Sat Nov 25, 2017
A Homebody and a Christmas Tree for 11/25/2017
by admin | Nov 18, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
An Older Boyfriend and Comic Fans for 11/18/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My daughter is a very mature and responsible 20-year-old. She lives at college, works part time and is involved in many community programs. Recently, she told me her boyfriend is a 31-year-old lawyer. I usually trust her judgment, but this boyfriend seems like another generation to me. How can I discourage this relationship to give her time to grow up? – Discouraged Dad
Dear Dad: Your baby isn’t a baby anymore. While you may not like her choices, it sounds like she is well on the road to being an independent adult. In another year she will have her degree, a full-time job and the ability to do whatever she wishes. She will not be financially dependent on her parents and thus will not have to obey your wishes. This is a pretty tough nut to swallow, but it’s where you are at.
Updated: Sat Nov 18, 2017
An Older Boyfriend and Comic Fans for 11/18/2017
by admin | Nov 17, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Back to An Unstable Mother and Quitting Baseball for 11/17/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: I’ve been raising my granddaughter for almost 17 years. My daughter wanted very little to do with her. Now she has money coming in, and she wants her daughter to come back. I have legal custody, and I’m afraid that if I let her go back, she will be subjected to an unhealthy environment. They both have mental health issues, my granddaughter’s being a result of the treatment from her mother. Should I let her go or tell her to stay with me? – Confused
Dear Confused: My heart is hurting for you. You are in a precarious position. Surely, you want what’s best for your child. But you also want what’s best for your grandchild. Those two things might be incongruous.
Updated: Fri Nov 17, 2017
Back to An Unstable Mother and Quitting Baseball for 11/17/2017
by admin | Nov 11, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Unsupervised Parties and A Control Freak for 11/11/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: This year we moved our two high school kids to a new area. Both kids report having no friends. It’s been a difficult transition. They say the only way they can make friends is if I allow them to go to parties. But all of the parties are unsupervised. Do I have to let them go? –Feeling Guilty
Dear Guilty: I’m guessing the move wasn’t their choice so you feel more responsible for their happiness. Hence, the guilt. But don’t let guilt cloud your good judgment. Work through this problem with open communication.
Updated: Sat Nov 11, 2017
Unsupervised Parties and A Control Freak for 11/11/2017
by admin | Nov 10, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Undesirable Music Major and Biking Around Town for 11/10/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My son is applying to colleges to be a music major. He has visions of a career on Broadway or in the music business. He’s talented, and I’ve always enjoyed his music. However, I think he isn’t good enough to make a career out of it. He says he doesn’t mind having little money as long as he can make music. My husband and I think he should keep music as a hobby and find a more practical career. Would it be wrong to threaten to take away his tuition money if he decides to pursue music? –Scared
Dear Scared: Would it be wrong? Emphatically, yes! It would be very wrong to bully your child into a different career path by taking away his ability to pay for college.
Here’s how the situation could play out. After you threaten withdrawing your support your son decides to be an accounting major. It’s a safe career with lots of jobs. He drudges through his classes while playing music on the side. All seems well. Your son graduates and immediately gets a high paying job at a respected firm. Terrific. Now he gets married, has children and works longs hours. He doesn’t play music anymore. There really isn’t time. He clocks into a job that he realizes he never enjoyed, and he becomes dangerously depressed. He calls you in tears one day saying his life didn’t turn out like he planned.
Updated: Fri Nov 10, 2017
Undesirable Music Major and Biking Around Town for 11/10/2017
by admin | Nov 4, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Procrastination King and Family Dinner for 11/04/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My son is the king of procrastination. He often manages to complete his work at the very last minute. Other times he doesn’t. But every time there is arguing, stress, nagging and at least one total freakout. How can I help my son break this habit? – Procrastinator’s Dad
Dear Dad: Procrastination in and of itself isn’t a problem. While it may be unpleasant for you and your son, if he is completing his work, then the delaying isn’t having a disastrous effect. The issue is the arguing, the stress and the nagging that tend to accompany the delays.
Updated: Sat Nov 04, 2017
Procrastination King and Family Dinner for 11/04/2017
