by admin | Feb 6, 2018 | Uncategorized

Over winter break a child at my daughter’s school died by suicide. Grief counseling was offered.
Within one month on January 22, 2018 a girl was found dead in a nearby park by suicide. She was 13.
Only five days later a child in another nearby town died by suicide. His final notes to family, friends and his school were made public. The principal made a plea to parents to change that was widely promoted on social media.
Within nine days of the last local suicide we received news that yet another young man from my daughter’s school took his life.
That’s four local suicides within six weeks. Any loss of life is a tragedy. But when there are multiple suicides in a close vicinity within a short period of time it’s known as a cluster. And clusters among teens are particularly dangerous because they often produce the spread of suicide. There is a very delicate balance that is needed to honor the person who was lost and provide the family support. Communities need to be extremely mindful that doing so can often be in direct opposition of what is needed to control the cluster, namely, not romanticizing the child, glorifying the death or sensationalizing the situation.
Grief counselors are always on hand to offer support after a school death. That’s the first point the principal puts out there to allay fears of kids suffering from the trauma of losing a friend. But that is clearly not nearly enough.
Last year when 13 Reasons Why was released nearly every school was prompted to talk about suicide. Some schools advised parents to tell their kids to avoid watching the show. I advised something different. Other schools did a suicide awareness programs. But again, none of it is enough. Parents, teachers, school districts, colleges and society at large need to make vital changes to make sure kids have a chance to enjoy their childhoods and make it to adulthood.
Here’s what we need to do individually and collectively to keep our kids from thinking suicide is a viable option to end their problems:
Parents and schools must stop putting ever-present pressure on kids to succeed at all costs. The societal emphasis on college and getting into the absolute best one as a vital means to life success and happiness is incredibly misguided and untrue. Heavy course loads with multiple AP classes and hours of homework all while also doing extra-curricular sports, tutoring, chores, and volunteering is killing our kids (literally and figuratively). Meanwhile, mental illness concerns are skyrocketing among teens and college kids. I’ve said it many times before and I’ll say it again, I don’t care where my kids go to college or even if they go. I know that is easier said than done but saying it brings it closer to reality. What’s more important is for my kids to find a way to make a living doing something they enjoy. My kids know this clearly. Do yours?
Schools need to stop sending grades to parents on a daily basis. It takes the ownership away from kids and further gives parents one more avenue to overreach into their children’s lives. It adds emphasis on the importance of every minute assignment and almost begs parents to discuss each grade with their kids. In response kids start worrying intensely about disappointing their parents. Many a childhood suicide can be traced to children anxious that one mistake will so heavily upset their parents that they view death as a preferable outcome. Take that in for a second.
Teach kids that perfect is a fallacy and even the idea of striving to be at least closer to perfection should not be the goal. Parents say they don’t expect their kids to be perfect. But their actions convey a different message. Just watch the sidelines of any youth sporting event. Parents tend to provide an endless stream of advice on how to play and improve the game or performance. There is absolutely no fun in that. Children often continue to play to please their parents (and because it looks good on college applications) or they drop out. Either way, the message is clear: be better, do better. When kids come home with a 95 many parents ask (sometimes even jokingly), “What happened to the other 5 points?” Stop doing that.
Schools need crisis intervention plans as well as prophylactic plans for addressing suicide. Playing catch up offering suicide hotlines and providing grief counselors is not enough. School and communities need to know how to respond if and when a suicide occurs. Days after a recent suicide a well-meaning coach published the suicide letters on his blog. He was asking for parents to read the letters and think about how to make changes to support children better. He too was grieving. But what he didn’t know was that those letters would also be seen by young people. They would be confusing to read and incredibly thought provoking. And worst of all, highly inflammatory in terms of glorifying suicide. I’m deeply saddened but not at all surprised that another suicide happened days later. At this point I only know there is a correlation between these two events, not causation. But training and research make me fear that sharing those letters did more harm than good. Information disseminated on a regular basis to parents, kids and teachers about teenage suicide, why it happens, how to prevent it and how to handle it if it does occur it would prevent some mishandling and minimize the risk of a cluster forming.
Parents need to make the assumption their kids are exposed to drugs, alcohol, vaping, sex, porn, violence, social isolation, bullying and much more. Social media, cell phones, access to the internet and the 24-hour news cycle have taken away parents’ ability to shield their children from information that may be harmful. Kids don’t always possess the maturity to handle what they are exposed to. Often even the most conscientious parents have no clue what is going on for kids behind closed doors and on disappearing snapchats. Make a point of talking to kids regularly (weekly) about important issues even if you think it doesn’t affect your kids. Talk to your kids even if they don’t talk back. Talk in the car, over dinner or at night with the lights out before bed. Text these conversations if that’s the only way. Have the conversations before you think you have to. Your kids are going through so much more than you think. Get in there and help them.
Love your kid no matter what. That sounds obvious but it needs to be said. Love your kid despite his F on the important science test. Love you kid although she was caught smoking pot in the bathroom. Love your kid even though she is gay or lesbian or trans or not even sure. Love your kid when you find out she’s been promiscuous and might be pregnant. Don’t just say it. Show your kids that you may not love their actions but you love them. Show them that they should not fear a nuclear meltdown if they tell you bad news. Make sure they know that there is nothing that they should view as the end of the world. Tell them and show them with your action.
Learn more about suicide and how to prevent it at The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
by admin | Feb 3, 2018 | Dear Family Coach
A Prying Parent and a Persuasive Son for 02/03/2018
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: I ask my fifth-grader obsessively about her day – who did she eat lunch with? Who did she hang with on the playground? Where was Girl X? Who did Girl Y hang out with? She has always talked openly with me about everything, but she is starting to keep things to herself. I know that is supposed to happen, but I really love details. How do I satiate my own need to know while still respecting the privacy I know she needs? – Nosey Parker
Dear Nosey: You are in for a long adolescence. Younger children tend to be more forthcoming about their day-to-day adventures. But as puberty ensues, they drift away from the home front and move closer to a private life.
Updated: Sat Feb 03, 2018
A Prying Parent and a Persuasive Son for 02/03/2018
by admin | Feb 2, 2018 | Toy Reviews

HEXBUG VEX Robotics Catapult
$19.99 on Amazon (on sale for $12.79 right now)
My son, Emmett, likes to build. We recently learned about a new line of toys from HEXBUG (yes, same company who makes those awesome crawling little robot bugs) called VEX Robotics. Sure, robotics are all the craze right now. But there’s a place for the VEX products. Here’s why.
As a parent, there are several things I appreciate about the VEX line. To start, VEX allows kids to experiment with robotics without breaking the bank. It’s frustrating how expensive some of the robotics toys can be. Many families are just priced out. But the VEX products are generally between the $12 – $20 range. There’s a big bang for the buck here. Kids have to use their brains to build it. And unlike other building toys, once it is put together, kids can still play with it. The VEX robotics products don’t just sit on a shelf and collect dust. They continues to provide a fun activity long after the initial fun of constructing is gone.
Emmett and some of his friends build the Catapult, the Zip Flyer and the Crossfire Airplane Launcher. They were all great. The Zip Flyer is great for younger kids (8+). The Catapult and the Crossfire are recommended for 14+ but my son is 11 and built them both without assist. The only downside to any of the toys is that the balls for the Catapult are easily lost. That’s due to no fault of HEXBUG but still it’s a minor issue. Luckily, they supply extra balls there are some to spare.
Emmett’s Review:
When you start building any of the VEX toys I like how you don’t really know how it is all going to come together. You don’t know how it’s going to work. Then when you are building it you learn how each machine will work. After you build it I liked how there are a lot of different things that can be done with it. You can launch it at different levels. So you can choose the distance which is fun. The Catapult was the most complicated one to build of the VEX toys we tried. I would say that a kid needs to be a little experienced at building before trying the catapult. The Zip Flyer would be better for younger kids.
It’s fun to play catch with the Catapult or to try shooting it at a target. I would recommend all of the VEX products and specifically the catapult.
Overall Recommendation: Great toy at a great price point.
Disclosure: These products was provided for free. However, these reviews are our own and reflect our true feelings on these products. Some links may be affiliates.
by admin | Jan 27, 2018 | Dear Family Coach
A Recital Disaster and Avoiding Overscheduling for 01/27/2018
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: At a recent piano recital, my daughter bombed. For weeks leading up to it the teacher asked my daughter to stop and practice this one section more because she wasn’t getting it. I also kept calling my daughter out when she practiced, to stop and try it again. My daughter would get mad, but I was just doing what the teacher kept asking her to do. Considering the less than stellar performance, what do we say to her about it? – Disappointed
Dear Disappointed: Before I answer, I have one question for you to ponder: Do you want to be honest or kind? Because you likely can’t be both.
Updated: Sat Jan 27, 2018
A Recital Disaster and Avoiding Overscheduling for 01/27/2018
by admin | Jan 20, 2018 | Dear Family Coach
A Friend’s Birth Control and Teen Chats for 01/20/2018
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: I’ve always been close with my 16-year-old daughter’s best friend. Recently, she confided in my that she is sexually active and would like to acquire some birth control. Her mother is a strict believer of abstinence and won’t entertain the idea of birth control. Would it be wrong to take her to the doctor myself without discussing it with her mother? – BFF Mom
Dear Mom: That’s quite the tricky situation. Dealing with an unintended pregnancy at 16 would surely cause difficulty for this girl. But being sexually active and taking medication behind her mother’s back could also cause considerable strife.
Updated: Sat Jan 20, 2018
A Friend’s Birth Control and Teen Chats for 01/20/2018
by admin | Jan 13, 2018 | Dear Family Coach
A Classmate’s Suicide and an Unfriendly Mom Friend for 01/13/2018
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: A child in my daughter’s high school committed suicide over the holiday break. My daughter didn’t know the child and doesn’t seem particularly bothered by the incident. I’m not sure if I should discuss this incident or just let it blow over. Any advice? – Scared
Dear Scared: Teenage suicide is certainly cause for alarm. Impulsivity paired with hormonal mood swings and the rise of social media make even one suicide worrying.
Updated: Sat Jan 13, 2018
A Classmate’s Suicide and an Unfriendly Mom Friend for 01/13/2018
by admin | Jan 6, 2018 | Dear Family Coach
A Square Peg and Walking to School for 01/06/2018
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My wife and I are raising three kids. We are a sporty high-achievement family. As parents, we have been instilling the values of hard work and persistence. Unfortunately, my youngest son doesn’t seem to be fitting in with the rest of us. Every time I try to work with him it feels like jamming a square peg into a round hole. He is pulling away more and more. What’s the best way to help him fall in line better with the rest of us and follow our family values? – Concerned
Dear Concerned: Frankly, I’m concerned more about you than your youngest. So he doesn’t fit in perfectly. That doesn’t have to be cause for alarm or reason to have to “work” with your son.
Updated: Sat Jan 06, 2018
A Square Peg and Walking to School for 01/06/2018
by admin | Dec 30, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Party Pooper and Sleepovers for 12/30/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My family has been invited to a New Year’s Eve party. There will be lots of food, kids and karaoke. My 14-year-old daughter doesn’t want to go. She wants to stay home by herself. She often tries to opt out of family plans she isn’t particularly jazzed about. I think she should be forced to join the family sometimes. Is this right? – Mad Mom
Dear Mom: Teenagers routinely want to do nothing with their families. They want to sleep in and be left alone in their rooms right after a brief moment of socialization while foraging for food. Now, with teens being connected with all of their friends through tiny handheld devices, it makes it ever more difficult to motivate them to get out of the house. Teens start to act as if family time were passe and everything were boring.
Updated: Sat Dec 30, 2017
Party Pooper and Sleepovers for 12/30/2017
by admin | Dec 23, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
A Cheater and a Gaming Spender for 12/23/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My 16-year-old daughter was caught cheating on a test. She was overwhelmed and made a bad choice. Now it seems like it will ruin all of her hard work because it will be reported to colleges. She is beyond distraught, and I’m worried about her. What can I do to minimize the damage here? – Panic-Stricken
Dear Panic: This is bound to be a difficult time for both you and your daughter. She made a mistake, and that in and of itself is painful. But when that mistake has lasting consequences, hopelessness and depression can creep in. Keep an eye on your daughter for signs of her giving up or not caring anymore about her future. Make sure to get her to a counselor if her depression worsens.
Updated: Sat Dec 23, 2017
A Cheater and a Gaming Spender for 12/23/2017
by admin | Dec 16, 2017 | Blog, Toy Reviews

My son, Emmett, absolutely loves anything remote controlled. He loved little RC cars, and now he loves drones. Over the years we have been through many. That’s because most of them last a few days to weeks. Inevitably, the propellers twist or there’s a mysterious controller disconnection or the frames break from impact. It’s always frustrating and disappointing, especially because drones don’t come cheap.
I visited a toy show a few months ago and discovered the best line of drones for kids I have ever seen. I was excited to get one home and have Emmett test it out. The nice ladies representing the drones told me it was extremely hearty, built to last. I was skeptical but hopeful.
Well, the drones completely live up to the hype. I’ll let Emmett do the reviewing. But from a parent’s perspective, I’d buy this drone for every kid on my list. It’s fun, has the coolest design and can withstand more than its fair share of crashes. Emmett reviews theDrone Force Angler Attack and Vulture Strike below. For me the clear winner is the Angler. It’s nearly twice the price but it’s uniqueness makes it worth the price. If it’s out of the budget, Emmett loves the Vulture Strike, maybe more than the Angler.
Drone Force Angler Attack-2.4Ghz Illuminated Indoor/Outdoor Drone Helicopter Toy
http://amzn.to/2yrV9h8
$72 on Amazon, 8+

Emmett’s Review:
This drone looks amazing, like a crazy real angler fish. Probably the best looking drone I’ve ever seen. The drone has very good control, and if it was my first drone it would be easy to learn to fly. It’s not super challenging. There are lights all over the drone and are easy to put on and off. They are really cool. The battery charges quickly and lasts for a long time. It’s very stable when it’s flying and super durable. The propellers aren’t going to hit anything. They are well protected. When it flies at night it’s so fun. It looks like a scary angler fish when it lights up. The controller has big and easy to use buttons.
Overall recommendation: If you are looking for a drone I would definitely get the Angler Attack Drone.
Drone Force Vulture Strike-2.4Ghz Indoor/Outdoor Drone Helicopter Toy with Missile Launcher Feature
http://amzn.to/2yQtyul
$37 on Amazon, 8+

Emmett’s Review:
The Vulture Strike is a little faster than the Angler Attack drone. It looks like a bird which is cool. It can do tricks like flips. This drone is also very protected and can be flown inside and outdoors. The Vulture Strike has a target light that is projected so you know where to aim. It can shoot two plastic missiles (It comes with four in case you lose any). The missiles don’t go very far but they are extremely fun to shoot. The controls and the stability is similar to the Angler Attack. It’s very stable and easy to control. It’s slightly harder to fly than the Angler Attack. I would probably recommend this drone for a kid who has flown a drone before. The flight range is 150 feet, just like the Angler Attack.
Overall Recommendation: For someone who has already flown a drown I would absolutely recommend this drone.
Disclosure: These products was provided for free. However, these reviews are our own and reflect our true feelings on these products. Some links may be affiliates.