by admin | Oct 6, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
A Stressed Schoolgirl and Wanting a Dog for 10/06/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My fun, bright, accomplished fifth-grader is stressed. She is teary at the drop of a hat, expresses feeling left out and articulates that she’s overwhelmed by school. She says the trouble is keeping track of the multitude of notebooks and folders. She worries about upcoming work for the week and having so many things to remember. She seems to be alone a lot, too. What can we do to help her? – Concerned Parents
Dear Concerned: Your little girl is getting steamrolled by her world. It may seem hard to imagine why elementary school can be so stressful, but there are lots of moving parts. For some, it can feel like too much. Now is a good time to work on her issues before she moves into middle school, which has bigger challenges.
Updated: Fri Oct 06, 2017
A Stressed Schoolgirl and Wanting a Dog for 10/06/2017
by admin | Sep 30, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Miserable Mealtimes and Grumpy Mornings for 09/30/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My three kids and my husband all whine and complain at mealtime. Everyone likes something different, and some are so picky they eat only a few foods. I feel as if I’m going to battle every meal. I offer this and then that and then something else. Everyone eats eventually, but it’s miserable. Help me quickly! – Lost
Dear Lost: Your family is playing you, and you are losing the game. Dealing with picky eaters is a challenge. But you are creating monsters by making and offering so many options at every meal. Save yourself and your sanity by ending this practice today.
Updated: Sat Sep 30, 2017
Miserable Mealtimes and Grumpy Mornings for 09/30/2017
by admin | Sep 29, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Siblings Hit and Nazi Paraphernalia for 09/29/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: Although we know that our 8-year-old daughter loves her 10-year-old brother very much, her first reaction when he teases or otherwise annoys her is to yell and hit him. It’s an immediate overreaction. She does warn him (by yelling), but if he doesn’t stop (which he doesn’t), she hits. How should we approach this? Both kids are at fault, but she definitely takes it to another level. – Sick of Bickering
Dear Sick of Bickering: Your daughter isn’t overreacting. She’s being teased consistently by her older and more powerful brother. That’s frustrating. She also clearly has little control over stopping it. Also frustrating. What looks like overreacting is really your daughter’s being out of acceptable tools to make her brother stop the harassment. So she yells and hits him. She’s angry, and she wants to make him angry, too. Though her methods aren’t appropriate, I can certainly understand the reaction. Can’t you?
Updated: Fri Sep 29, 2017
Siblings Hit and Nazi Paraphernalia for 09/29/2017
by admin | Sep 23, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Jewish but Not Religious, and Chores for 09/23/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My family is Jewish but not religious. Most of us are atheist or agnostic. We still celebrate all of the holidays because we consider ourselves culturally Jewish. We used to live in a Jewish area, so the schools were closed for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur. Now we live in an area with very few Jews, so the kids have school on those days. My oldest is in high school and doesn’t want to miss classes. But I feel that it sends a message to others that Judaism doesn’t matter when not even the Jews observe the holiday. I want to forbid her from attending school. Is that unfair? – Jewish
Dear Jewish: From what you’ve said, it sounds like your primary concern is that others will misunderstand Judaism if your daughter attends school. You may be right, but your first obligation is to your daughter. Why doesn’t she want to miss school? I’m guessing because high school is stressful. It moves quickly, and missing even one day can cause a bit of a breakdown.
Updated: Sat Sep 23, 2017
Jewish but Not Religious, and Chores for 09/23/2017
by admin | Sep 22, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Rigid Bedtime and Postered Walls for 09/22/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My sister-in-law keeps her 1-year-old daughter on the strictest schedule. She has to put her down for a nap and down to bed at exactly the right time. She freaks out if a family gathering runs a bit late. It’s so frustrating, and it ends up stressing us all out. How can we encourage her to lighten up? – Annoyed
Dear Annoyed: Before I answer your question, just a quick question for you: When the baby doesn’t get to sleep at the right time and is then overtired and cranky the next day, are you going help out? And when the baby is up at 12 a.m. and 3 a.m. and 5 a.m. because she’s overtired or had a catnap in the car, are you going to be there to rock her to sleep? I don’t think so.
Updated: Fri Sep 22, 2017
Rigid Bedtime and Postered Walls for 09/22/2017
by admin | Sep 16, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
A Slob and a Deliberately Unhelpful Daughter for 09/16/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: My teen son is a slob, and it drives me insane. The other day I decided to help him clean up. It took us four hours, but everything had a place and the room was spotless. Not a day later, it was back to a disaster area. I was hurt and felt that he was disrespectful to me by not trying to keep his room clean. Am I wrong? – Tidy Mom
Dear Tidy: Yep, you are wrong. Your son didn’t mess up his room to spite you. He’s just a slob. It’s what comes naturally to him. He likely doesn’t even see his room as messy. You see a disorganized mess. I assure you sees it differently.
Updated: Sat Sep 16, 2017
A Slob and a Deliberately Unhelpful Daughter for 09/16/2017
by admin | Sep 15, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Gifts Giving and Receiving for 09/15/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: A friend visited recently and brought a toy for both of my children. The 5-year-old received an awesome puzzle, and the 3-year-old received a dolphin bath toy. Unfortunately, my older son became obsessed with his brother’s dolphin. He pushed his gift aside and obsessed over the dolphin. I tried to get them to share, but it became a source of constant bickering and tantrums for my older son. In the end, I took it away, but that felt unfair. What should I have done? – Caught Mom
Dear Caught: How sweet that your friend brought the boys gifts. How sad that your oldest ruined the moment for everyone. But really, he isn’t to blame. You are. The good news is that you can easily undo the damage so it doesn’t happen again.
Updated: Fri Sep 15, 2017
Gifts Giving and Receiving for 09/15/2017
by admin | Sep 9, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Play Dates With a Stay-At-Home Dad and a Stinky Teen for 09/09/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: I’m a stay-at-home dad, and most of my play dates have been with other dads so far. But I’m becoming friends with moms, too. We all have one big thing in common, but I just feel like it might be a little odd at first. If I invite a mom over with her child, are there certain things I should do as a Dad to sort of, I don’t know, make them feel comfortable? – Dad
Dear Dad: In this day and age, moms and dads are clearly taking on more similar child-rearing roles. More and more often, dads are organizing the social calendar, and that means interacting with the moms. Treat play dates with a mom friend just like you would a dad friend. You may not become best friends with all of the mothers, but if you are yourself, you will find those who will feel comfortable around you.
Updated: Sat Sep 09, 2017
Play Dates With a Stay-At-Home Dad and a Stinky Teen for 09/09/2017
by admin | Sep 8, 2017 | Dear Family Coach
Potential Football Injuries and Stealing a Candy Bar for 09/08/2017
Dear Family Coach
Dear Family Coach: I allowed my son to play high school football last year because he’s a former soccer player, and the coach said he needed him to kick and punt. I was comfortable with that, and he had a great time. This year, however, the coach wants him to be the backup quarterback. My son is thrilled, of course. Football terrifies me because of the roughness and potential for long-term injuries like concussions. Would it be cruel to say no? – Cautious
Dear Cautious: I have a strong opinion here. Too many parents blindly sign their kids up for football without a moment’s thought to the high potential for irreparable injury. A recent study published in the Journal of the American Medical Association reported that 110 out of 111 former NFL players whose brains were donated to scientific research after death had chronic traumatic encephalopathy, or CTE, a fancy name for brain damage. While evidence is mounting about the impact on younger players, the same study reported that 21 percent of high school players and 91 percent of college players also showed CTE.
Updated: Fri Sep 08, 2017
Potential Football Injuries and Stealing a Candy Bar for 09/08/2017
by admin | Sep 7, 2017 | Blog
1st Day of School 2013
This year my kids both moved up schools. My son is now a 6th grader in middle school and my daughter is in 9th at a new high school. The other day I drove by the local elementary school and thought I would feel a pang of sadness to be finished with that part of my kids’ lives. Turns out I felt the exact opposite. All I could think about was what I wouldn’t miss from elementary school.
I’m not in a rush for my kids to grow up. In fact, I’m really enjoying them right now. My daughter is solidly in the teen years, and she’s more delightful than ever. And watching my son develop slowly into the young man he will become is beautiful. I mean it. When they were babies my husband and I wondered what our kids would be. Now it’s becoming clearer, and it’s really cool to watch. Sure, sometimes I miss the little baby smell and the feeling of an exhausted toddler limp on my shoulder (Oh, that’s delicious.). Mostly, though, I’m good right where we are.
Inspired by the new school year, here is my list of six things I will not miss about elementary school.
Walking my kids to their classroom. Sorry, but I’m not a morning person. Not. At. All. Most days at drop off I’m in my pajamas with sleep still stuck in my eyes. I don’t want to make pleasantries with the other parents who look ready for the day. No, I want to stay in my car. Then, I want to head home to put my feet up, turn on the Housewives and sip a cup of tea to slowly start my day.
Buying 60 pencils: I never minded buying extra supplies for the classroom for kids who might not have enough. And I never minded sending my kids in with cleaning supplies and tissues so little Melanie didn’t dribble snot on my kid. What I never really understood were some of the items that were asked for but barely used (I’m talking about the 4th composition notebook that had three pages of writing in it) or the crazy quantities that could never have been used. For several years I had to supply 60 sharpened pencils. I cannot conceive of any possibility that my child, even sharing with friends, could consume 60 pencils in 9 months.
Projects that require supervision. I went to school for 22 years. I’ve done my time and my homework. I don’t want any more. And I don’t want to help my kids with their projects either. Most elementary school projects cannot be completed by the child alone. My kids didn’t know how to use the computer to Google, they couldn’t shop for required supplies on their own, and they couldn’t use the hot glue gun. So, their projects became my projects too. I’m done with that.
The 100-day project: Do not even get me started on this one. Every year for the 100th day of school all of the kids are assigned the same project. Find 100 items and make a picture with those items to celebrate the most insignificant day of the year. This might be a fun and educational project for kids in kindergarten or even 1st grade. But by the time 5th grade rolls around, believe me, all the kids can all count to 100. Pasting 100 Jelly Belly candies or Cheerios on a paper won’t drive the point home any further.
Ridiculously early dismissal every Thursday or the arbitrary half days. I love spending time with my kids. I really do. But I also have to work and so does my husband. When schools end every Thursday at 12:50 pm (yup, that’s right after lunch) it’s impossible to get any work done. In order to be at the crazy pick up line by 12:50 I need to leave the house by 12:35. That means I need to be in the shower by 12. I probably will need to eat something because I’m a bear if I don’t so that takes me to 11:45. By the time I’m back from drop off (even if I skip the housewives) that leaves me not even four hours of work. This doesn’t even take into account the half days that seem to crop up more and more for no reason. A half day dismissal is at 11:50. UGH! I will not miss those days.
The playground: It doesn’t rain in southern California. Like, at all. Without rain the asphalt-topped playground is the dirtiest place on earth. When I would pick up my son his hands looked like he worked in the coal mine for hours. No one ever told him, “Hey kid, you look kind of dirty, go wash your hands.” So my son had the black gunk on his face, hands, clothes and I’m sure he even ate his lunch like that. Gross.
